My Worst Fear Realized

I decided to take just Beba and go out for a koulouri this morning around 8 am.  She had woken up around 6, had her milk and was pretty playful, as always. Panayioti had just woken up and his dad was still sleeping. I told Panayioti that I wouldn’t take long and that I was going out to get him a koulouri, his favorite.  Instead of going to the bakery that’s just down the street from my house I opted for the bigger bakery all the way to Pendelis Avenue that also makes coffee.  I also just wanted a good morning walk and with Beba in her stroller chatting away I felt happy.  I also felt a pang of nervousness leaving Panayioti alone with his dad who was sleeping. Nothing wakes my husband up, nothing.  This statement coudn’t be more right.  Coming back almost 35 minutes later I could hear Panayioti’s sirens and they were too near.  I thought he must be out on the balcony.  I turn into our apartment building’s entrance and there was my little man, in his Thomas the train pyjamas, standing in front of the entrance, playing with his fingers nervously like he does and making his little siren sounds. As soon as he sees me, jaw dropped, he tries to make a run for it from the front entrance.  But I tell him that I’ve brought him his koulouri so he comes back.  I’m in shock to say the least!!! Where’s his dad? How did he make it down from the second floor? Did he take the elevator or the stairs? Did ANYONE see him?? This poor kid was standing outside for who knows how long and not a single person took notice, not even his dad.  We come up and I see our door wide open and walking inside I realize Kosta is still sound asleep.  I see the tub of butter on the floor of our hallway and realize he had tried to make himself breakfast.  Maybe he took the butter to his dad but seeing his dad sleeping he tried to bring it back to the fridge and just gave up halfway there. He loves bread with butter and jam in the morning. I of course woke my husband up and told him what had happened.  He was eerily calm and almost like he didn’t give a damn. I felt as if he didn’t care that Panayioti left the house without him taking notice and he blamed the whole thing on me saying I should’ve locked up.  And as much as I hate to admit it, he’s right.  I know my son has flight issues so I should’ve locked up.  I should’ve. And I know Kosta is a deep sleeper. I never should’ve left in the first place without him and I never should’ve gone so far to get a koulouri. 

To be completely honest, after my initial shock and sadness at the sight of my little man outside our house in his pjs, I felt numb.  I have seen Panayioti run towards cars and have chased him 9 months pregnant so he doesn’t get hit, I have seen him jump on our table out on the balcony all too near the ledge and I have seen him fall from beds and drawers and lamps. I think I’m immune to falls.  This is somewhat different because he couldn’ve left and then what? How do you find a child who is non-verbal? I guess this is not my worst fear after all. My worst fear would be Panayioti getting lost.  As in we don’t know where he is lost and he is out of our sight lost. Lost as in we can’t even trace him with his siren sound like the time we went shopping. And that is one fear I don’t want to ever be realized.

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