We’re not shy types, you know.

Oh my, how long has it been? Way too long! And it’s not like I haven’t had tons and tons of stuff to write about, especially about P. Well, most importantly about P. ‘Cause I can rant on just about any other platform about work and whatnot, but this here’s the place where I can really ‘talk’ to you about my beautiful boy.

So, we’re on meds. A cocktail of meds actually. Have I seen a difference, an improvement? Uhmm, not really and that’s what’s so heartbreaking!! I give him all this crap which is supposed to help and when it doesn’t I can’t stop giving it to him cause the doctors are like “it’ll screw him up even more” and I’m left feeling “WTF?” So, we’re still adjusting . . . so and so of this, and 5ml of this and the list goes on and on. He’s not as bipolar but he still has crying fits in between hysterical laughter. And he still bites and hits his hands. Not to mention that he’s begun running and falling on his knees. AND my kryptonite, swallowing air . . . which leads to gas and, as of late, burping. Actually, belching. As if he’s chugged I don’t know, 10 beers. That air’s gotta go somewhere right?And he’ll fart and burp and whatever else he’s gotta do wherever he is. My boy ain’t shy, you know. And he grunts, a lot. Like really, as if a bear is coming to attack you. So yeah, meds . . .  what a life saver – not!


Today, we went for a ‘volta’, a little stroll cause it’s so sunny and beautiful out, just him and I. We stopped at a cafe and I got him a banoffee and he had a fit until it was served. The waitstaff were awesome though. We all laughed it off ’cause he’s so damn cute. Then, we went to the swings where he absolutely INSISTS on being swung on the baby swings. Fellow mommies were looking at me, and him . . . but he’s so damn cute! And after two hours of being out and about it was time to head home and on the way home I kept thinking of all the ASD kids I’ve met on this journey. Some were really quiet, timid, shy and aloof. Some are now in typical schools, and without an aide, from what I hear. The majority of them speak (!) My little man, my beautiful boy – this face which is impeccable and perfect in every way, and the biggest heart, this little guy has got it rough.

But he’s so damn cute!

Meet my favorite dish: Pastitsio.

I haven’t posted a dish in the longest time. I haven’t been really cooking that much though is why. Even with the holidays behind us, I didn’t cook much, I didn’t gorge on yummy holiday food. I didn’t do much except stress out and work. And if you know me, or follow my blog, you know that cooking and baking is my #1 De-stresser😊

I’ve been making my own version of pastitsio (baked pasta casserole) for about 10 years now. Its not complicated or hard to make. It’s a little time consuming though but easy to make in batches and ahead of time.

Today instead of making my version, I decided to try something different. I followed word-for-word Akis Petretzikis recipe which you can find below. It’s pretty awesome. It’s different. But this household is no stranger to DIFFERENT.



I’m mostly mad at myself. A lot mad.

Seven, not six or five, but seven (7!!!) vaccines at 4 months old!! I’m no expert, but just somewhere deep inside me that just feels like A LOT!! And to top it off, I’ve met another mom recently who used to have the same pediatrician as us and her son is on the spectrum as well. Not to mention, that while we were on vacation when P was a baby he got sick and we had to visit our pediatrician in the village and I just remember her shocked face shen she saw how many he had done at 6 months. So, for about a week now I haven’t slept and I’m just curious how many other mommies out there also have autistic children who used to, or still go, to our old pediatrician?!

I’ve mentioned in one of my very first posts that the reason we stopped going to her was because of all the red flags our little boy was raising and she would just brush every single one of them off by saying “this is what boys do, they talk, then they stop, then they start again”. In what medical book did she learn that exactly, cause I haven’t seen that anywhere!! Still, I don’t think she did it out of malice, just her stupidity caused us months of therapy and maybe just maybe if we had started sooner we would be on a different path right now. Hubby, on the other hand, does not want me to bring the subject of vaccines up at all. He says what’s happened, happened and we have to move forward. So, why is it killing me so much? I remember cause my niece was recently diagnosed with Asperger’s at the time that I kept looking for clues in P like eye contact, and turning to the sound of his name and walking on tiptoes and being happy around other kids and he would hit those milestones, and more, like a champ!! No mommy was prouder of her little man than I. Early videos and pictures on my FB page prove just that. I was so proud of him. He was such a good little kid. So, am I not proud of him anymore? Is he not still such a good kid? Yeah, I’m still proud of him. I’m proud of him when he manages to say “bi” for biscuit and “ka” for kaka. But my heart sinks when he reaches for the soap and eats it. Autism fucking sucks. I love my son to death but I do not love, even for a second, Autism. Especially P’s type, the non-verbal, hand-jerking, soap-eating, deodorant-licking, sireny-sounding Autism.

And just to conclude, cause I’m just getting madder and madder every second I type, did I mention my niece’s Asperger’s diagnosis? Did I tell her that epilepsy runs in the family as do a host of other developmental delays such as speech delay? Y -E-S. Because now I know that when there’s a family history of developmental delays it’s good to stave off vaccines for a while. Sure, now I know this, but I didn’t then. I mean, where was this literature back in 2009 and 2010 when my baby was being bombarded every single fucking month? For all the reading I was doing, I did not come across this anywhere. But you’d think a pediatrician would, wouldn’t you?

You’d be wrong.

*Serious side note: Just because my child may or may not have been affected by his vaccines DOES NOT mean your child will be as well. I do not want to sway parents or affect personal decisions in any way whatsoever. Our son developed regressive autism at 2. I am just a mom of an autistic child who is looking for a cause/answers.

Therapeutic Listening and table work

Let’s see: music therapy, play therapy, vision therapy, dog therapy, therapeutic listening, therapeutic horseback riding, special ed swimming, special Olympics, PECS, ABA, TEACCH, GF/CF diet and of course occupational and speech therapy! If it’s come up as a treatment for autism, we’ve tried it and are still trying it. Someone mentioned hypnotherapy to me but that seems kind of kooky, at the moment at least . . .

Trying to be Super Mom . . . and failing miserably

Therapeutic Listening and table work

When I first started this blog it was to write about my life, our life, dealing and living with autism, to let people know what types of therapies were doing, how we’re functioning and staying happy and sane. It’s tough raising kids, even kids who aren’t on the spectrum. I don’t ever want to say to friends of mine who are raising their typically-developing kids and complaining that so-and-so doesn’t eat or doesn’t listen to them ‘hey, you have it easy because I have wayyyy more difficulties to deal with’. I don’t ever want to say that because I don’t really feel like that. A friend of mine said to me the other day that I have a ‘cross to bear’. I didn’t respond but all week it’s been bugging me. I DO NOT consider my son a burden, I do not consider the half hour or so per day…

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What’s the opposite of jolly?

Sometimes, I don’t feel so great. I feel as though I don’t play any role, significant or otherwise, in anyone’s life, even my children’s. I know it’s not true judging by how happy both my children are when they see me and how upset my little M gets when I leave for work. Even P gets upset at times and looks back at me as I wave goodbye.  It’s always summer, I’ve noticed, when I start to feel these ‘blues’. I feel my mind is heavy and that I am carrying way too much on my shoulders. I’m worried about what the new season in September will bring, how school will be for P, what hurdles we’ll be faced with and of course, if he will talk. I worry about all these things and it’s July. Then summer vacation starts mid-August where we all pack our bags and head to the beach house and these feelings partially go away but their memory always sticks with me. And these aren’t your ordinary blues. I’m going to be completely honest with y’all. These are basically suicidal thoughts. You know, your typical how I would go about putting an end to my life, what I would write on my suicide note and so on.

Macabre stuff.

Wonder how many autism parents out there feel the same way . . .

Meet Branca.

We’ve started Dog Therapy. We’re now three sessions in. Athens Therapy Dogs is a relatively new group (began in February of 2016) based here in Athens and works mainly with children and adults on the spectrum, the vision impaired and in general, people with different capabilities. The whole principle is that dogs provide relief and in our case, incentive, to interact – to communicate! You can check out their FB page here: https://www.facebook.com/Athens-Therapy-Dogs-1059270564118272/

It’s strange how this ‘journey’ with the little guy into autism has brought me, personally, and us as a family, around so many different people, from different walks of life. It’s [autism] taught me so many things. My son has taught me so many things. Pictured is Branca and her owner Panos. Right off the bat Branca and the little guy seemed to click. As soon as he saw her yesterday he approached her with excitement, patted her back and gave her a kiss. In fact, he gave her lots of kisses throughout our session. He held on to her leash as tight as he could due to the fact that there are some minor fine motor skills issues and in general was very cooperative. We love our sessions with Branca and I can’t wait to see where this new therapy will take us.